I don't think anything of interest has happened since I last wrote in here. To be frank, I don't quite remember what it was that I last wrote in here. I just know it's been a week.
I've been really enjoying my own company this week. So much so that I've almost said no to or cancelled all of my plans. But I know myself better than to do that. If I don't have enough social interaction, I'll go crazy or become sad -- though, to be fair, I only need to see other people a few times a week and can spend the rest of my time in solitude. I had three social engagements this weekend and one was just a walk Jon and I took together.
There's a part of me that's upset that I didn't move out to New York City after graduating from college. My best friend, Mitchel, is there. So is my older sibling (though I didn't know that in advance, they decided to move there on a Friday around midday and flew out that Sunday). I think I'd like to be there too. There's just so much going on in the city, so much to do. And I've got a bit of a community out there, which is something I feel as though I'm lacking here sometimes. I know I'm not actually lacking it and that I can simply work harder to build community if I am, but sometimes it's nice to have that already built in a bit.
Right now, I'm sitting on my sofa in a pair of pants I finally took the time to take in this evening after staring at them for months, telling myself I'd take them in soon. I just finished watching maybe my favorite movie ever (God Help the Girl), which I know objectively isn't a great movie. It's extraordinarily twee and not particularly deep, but I absolutely adore it and hopefully always will.
Last week and this weekend, I did the very brave thing that is breaking things off and tying up loose ends with people I was seeing. Not particularly many people (contrary to Jon's beliefs, when I told him what I was doing he said "wow that's a lot of people to break things off with" and when I told him it was only two, he told me he'd thought it'd be closer to twelve. I don't know how much time he thinks I have), but enough people to make it a chore. One of the people wasn't even necessarily a person who could be counted as a person I "was seeing" as it was only our second date. After the first date, I felt fairly certain that I was only interested in friendship with them rather than romance or sex, but after seeing them again, I'm a bit less sure of that. They're a very interesting person to talk to and spend time with, and I found myself attracted to them in certain moments. Regardless, I told them about the break I'm taking from dating and said that I'd like to spend time with them as friends in the meantime, if they're okay with that. They said they were fine with that, so I'm looking forward to getting to know them better.
I leave for the holidays soon. I'm excited to see my family again, though I just saw them for Thanksgiving.
I had a dream the other night about my mother. Well, not directly about my mother. In the dream, I met a woman who reminds me of my mother and we chatted a bit in German and she gave me a really lovely hug and she felt exactly the way my mother feels to hug. There's something very particular about her frame and her skin. And the fact that, although she's practically skin and bone, she gives those close, deep, warm hugs that people typically need a bit more body mass to manage to give. That's part of what's incredible about my mother! She can do it anyway. When I woke up from the dream, I thought to myself: "do I miss mama? Is that what I'm being told right now?" And I thought it was funny that I could possibly already miss her because I just saw her two weeks ago. Regardless, I'm excited to see her again, though I know I'll get tired of her and my father after the three weeks I'm about to spend with them.
Until next time!
