Anyway, I'll try to make this one a bit less angsty than the last few, but that is kind of just how I've been feeling. Today there's something new, though. I am feeling a little bit insane. At one point today I could feel my brain melting and expanding against my skull, threatening to break through and ooze out of my ears. I'm not even kidding. I don't think people were meant to sit at a computer all day (though here I am, at a computer again) and I have a theory that I am one of the most extreme cases of not being meant to sit at a computer all day. Or maybe that's just because we're all trying to hide from one another how utterly insane it makes us feel.
There's another strike on Friday from 3am until 10am and it's going to make me late to work, so I'm going in early tomorrow and will work nine hours. I really truly think it might make me go insane. I am going to take a shower now and then go for a walk and then I am going to come back and look up everybody you listed in your post from yesterday and take a good, long look at their artwork. I think I need to walk more. I'm feeling inspired by your five mile Wednesdays.
Re: your rejection from the exhibition, I'm sorry to hear that! I do think outside motivation is necessary sometimes, as much as we'd like to imagine we should be able to operate in a vacuum.
Re: scents, I have been on the search for something that will make me smell like the idea of what you'd smell like after working in a garden all day long. I know the reality well, having worked as a gardener, and it's mostly just stinky and sweaty, but I'd like something that's herbal and floral and a touch mulchy and smells like the sun is beating down on you. Do you know of anything? Also, if you do end up launching a brand, I would like to be one of your first customers.
I think I need to really get to work thinking about my career because there is no world in which I can just keep on sitting at a desk for the rest of my life. I am considering gardening again or going to school for horticulture or maybe becoming a bicycle mechanic (I, who cannot change a bike tire) or maybe becoming a massage therapist. Regardless, I would like to minimize time spent sitting at a desk in front of a computer. Admittedly, though, I am hoping this insanity is only temporary and that I am just settling in and that soon I will feel normal about work. I do doubt it, though...
I totally relate to the excess screen time brain melt feeling. I'm not sure if I have much personal experience with gardeney perfumes. Diptyque has some really lovely naturalistic green scents (expensive tho)). I have samples of Eau de Lierre, Philosykos, and Ombre Dans L'eau and they all remind me of flowers and leaves and fresh-cut stems. Demeter has a bunch of affordable perfumes that are based around specific things and settings. I really love garden smells though. I can't wait till spring to get planting. My perfume stuff finally came. I have the main chemical constituent of soil smell, geosmin, which smells like mold or compost when you smell too much of it. Lol I also got a chemical that's in some flowers but also the characteristic smell of horses. I had a tiny test strip of it in my pocket yesterday and now my coat and bag and everything that came in contact smells aggressively like a horse farm. It's so weird
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